Skip to main content

6 years

I have attempted to write this post multiple times in the last 2 years and just never have been able to quite finish it. My thoughts would come out, but they were never quite complete. So here is my attempt today.


It will be 6 years on Saturday you have been gone and I can honestly say not a day goes by that you are not thought of. I constantly wonder what our life would look like if you were here. I know it would look different, but I can't help but think it would still be so very much the same just filled with even more love and joy because of you. I also am not so naive to know it would not have more hardships too.

Your life, your odyssey, Oscar, gave so much hope and joy to others. You were so very loved by individuals that never even met you. I think that is what your Dad and I are still trying to do for you six years later to continue your odyssey. To honor your life and memory, by spreading love and hope, and remembering the sweet promise that we will be reunited with you again in Heaven.

I think in the last six years we have gotten better at living without you. At times I feel guilty about that, but I also know we are meant to heal. We love a God that has walked with us daily through this and continues even now to provide individuals in our lives that have been Jesus' hands and feet to us. I have learned how to grieve better if that is possible. I have learned that you have to feel the sadness of the loss in order to move forward. I definitely do not love it, but I know now it is needed. I have learned to give myself grace and space at certain times of the year that are so hard without you. I do not expect much of myself those weeks or days and I also try and not expect much of others.

We miss you and I wish I could hold you today. It makes me really sad that I can’t, but I will do my best to be present today for your brothers and we as a family will continue your odyssey. We love you Oscar Graham Kaser.

 

Melancholy sculpted by Albert Gyorgy - Geneva, Switzerland

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pulmonary Atresia with Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD)

To everyone that has prayed for Oscar. Please keep praying. Today at his fetal echo cardiogram we found out he has Pulmonary Atresia with Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD). What this means is that there normally is a pulmonic valve that opens and allows blood to exit the heart through the right ventricle. Oscar's pulmonary atresia valve is permanently sealed or absent. Along with that, the main pulmonary artery is very small about 1/4 of the size it should be and it is much smaller than the Aorta. Oscar also has fluid surrounding his entire heart which was not there on the August 1 ultrasound. His heart function is okay, but it is not good. During the 2 hour fetal echocardigram there were also signs of fetal arrhythmia of Oscar's heart rate dropping lower and more quickly then it should. Going forward we need your prayers for our son's heart. We believe in a God that heals and does miracles. We don't know if Oscar being born alive is going to be that miracle we are gi...
Post a Comment
Read more

3 years

3 years today since Oscar left us and went to Heaven. I can't help, but replay his last days in my mind and vividly recall certain details. For any parent with a sick child whether that child was an infant, child, teenager, or adult those last days, hours, and minutes are such a blessing to have, but still so painful when you allow yourself to really remember them. You look back and you can't help, but wonder if you made the right decisions, did you push them too hard, why didn't you see how sick they really were. Those are things that after 3 years I still wonder and I am sure always will.  To someone that hasn't lived through their child dying you are probably thinking that doesn't seem healthy, but for us that have lived through this I beg to differ that I think it is completely normal. You see as a parent you always want to do what is best for your child to make sure they are happy, healthy, and feel loved. My child is not here to think about those things prese...
3 comments
Read more

Meeting some of Estella's Team

Brian and I headed for the MFM office Tuesday, August 1. Our appointment was at 10:45am and we got called back around 11:00am. Our ultrasound technician was wonderful. She was so kind and it turned out she lived in the same town we did. It was a long ultrasound and one where questions were asked, but answers were not able to be given. Estella was moving a lot during the first half of the ultrasound which was fun to see and good to hear her heartbeat (155 bpm). Throughout the ultrasound the technician had to leave from time to time to talk to the doctor and to see what remaining images he wanted. About 12:30pm the ultrasound was finally completed and into the room came the maternal fetal medicine specialist doctor and genetic counselor. The doctor told Brian and me that our baby had some significant birth defects: a bilateral cleft lip with possible palate involvement, a VSD heart defect, and Dandy Walker Malformation that affects the cerebellum in the brain. I sat on the ultrasou...
Post a Comment
Read more