To someone that hasn't lived through their child dying you are probably thinking that doesn't seem healthy, but for us that have lived through this I beg to differ that I think it is completely normal. You see as a parent you always want to do what is best for your child to make sure they are happy, healthy, and feel loved. My child is not here to think about those things presently, so I have my memories that I replay and wonder did I do those things for Oscar? Most days I come to the realization we did what was best in the current moment knowing all that we knew and the experience we had, but there are the days I still wonder what could we have done differently.
This time of year is hard with the holidays. The holidays are time of celebration, joy, togetherness, but they also can be a reminder for so many of those that are no longer here and cause such loneliness and sadness. I ask this holiday season you do one thing for a bereaved individual in your life. Here are some ideas/suggestions:
- Share a memory of the individual that died. Send a text, mention it in conversation, let that bereaved individual know you recognize their loved ones not here. "I always loved when your Mom made _____________ at Christmas." "_________________ loved this time of year and being out in the snow."
- Have a spot for loved ones that died at the dinner table. This is showing you acknowledge they aren't here, but are still remembered.
- Get a candle and let the bereaved individual know this by no means is like having their loved one here, but you will light it during family gathering this holiday season.
- Get an ornament or a flower or something that reminds you of the loved one that died and give it to the bereaved individual just letting them know you are thinking of them and remembering their loved one.
#OscarStrong
Julie and Brian, I remember that day. I remember where I was when Larisa called and said pray for the Kaser’s. I remember the kindness of those I was with. I pray you as well can remember the kindness of those who attempted to comfort you and the memories of that will help you know our love for you as you continue this mourning journey.
ReplyDeleteJulie and Brian, I don't know if or when you will see this comment, but I felt the need to reach out to you. I was one of the ultrasound techs at Toledo MFM who scanned sweet Oscar when he was in your belly. I have thought of you guys often, but especially recently. My brother and his wife are walking through a similar situation right now. My sister-in-law is almost 39 weeks pregnant with a baby girl that isn't expected to make it for long outside of the womb. It's completely heartbreaking, just as it was when I saw you walking through it. My family and I are believers and we continue to pray for her miracle, knowing that God can do anything. But regardless of the outcome, our prayer is that God be glorified somehow through the situation. I just want you to know that the unshakable faith and courage the two of you showed through your journey with Oscar has stuck with me. You have most certainly brought glory to God through one of the most painful experiences any parent can imagine. Thank you for that. I pray that God continues to give you strength in those hard moments and brings you plenty of smiles as you look back on the memories. Thinking of you!
ReplyDelete-Bethany
Bethany,
DeleteI am not sure this will work emailing back to you, but thought hey I will give it a try. First I just wanted to say thank you for reaching out that was really kind of you and thank you too for remembering our Oscar. It seems so strange that was already 3 years ago, but knowing he is remembered is so special to me and Brian. I am trying to place you in my mind and you must have been one of our earlier appointments at MFM possibly when I got my blood drawn for genetic testing???
I am so sorry your brother and sister-in-law are going through this it’s not easy, but thankfully we serve a God that walks with us through all our trials. What is your sweet niece’s name? I want to pray for her and her Mom and Dad as they continue on this journey. I hope they get to meet that baby girl alive that was my prayer to just meet our Oscar alive.
Please let me know how things are going when you have a chance. Have a good Tuesday!
Julie
***I was writing a post and looking back through and realized there is a reply button on the comments. I responded to you through email on 2-22-21 I don't think it ever got to you. How is your brother's family?