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Eye of the Storm

As I drove home from work yesterday, way later than I should, I turned on K-Love and Ryan Stevenson song was on Eye Of the Storm. I drove and listened and just thought thank you Lord for knowing me and meeting me right now where I feel broken, tired, and hurt. Life is messy especially when you have people that you love and care about. You open yourself and make yourself vulnerable to being hurt. I don’t like to be vulnerable. I don’t like to be open with many people where that hurt can happen to me. In saying that, in Matthew 18, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord how many times should my brother sin against me and I forgive him? 7 times?” and Jesus said, “No, but 70 x 7”.
I realized Chuck our family dog has yet to make his blog debut! 

My hope is to go into today with a fresh attitude and an unbroken spirit and know my God is with me and He is beside me. My goal is not to be an earthly witness of God’s love, but a heavenly one and I fall short daily, but that is why in Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his mercies never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Now onto Oscar. :-) He is getting stronger, bigger, actually both. He was kicking me this morning at about 5am and he can wake me up anytime if I can feel him moving. I hope in the next week or so Brian and Theodore will be able to feel and see him moving easily too. We connected with Oscar’s pediatrician yesterday. That gentlemen is so kind. He called me twice after hours this week to connect and talk to me after I faxed a letter to PediatriCare. Thank you Doctor R.W. Mills for wanting to be on Oscar’s team and helping us advocate for our son on this journey.

I also spoke to my nurse case manager from Paramount yesterday afternoon. Our genetic testing appeal is going back to be reviewed by another round of medical reviewers. The nurse and I had a good conversation and I just simple said to her, “No insurance company has any right to tell a mother to have an invasive procedure done.” I don’t care if that is in Paramount’s policy because it is from studies and cases in the American Journal of OBGYN or from some other National Gynecology board. This is my body and my baby and I am not making decisions for my child or me based on fear that the insurance company won’t pay for it. I will keep you all posted how that goes.

As a family we are excited for a 3 day weekend. Brian and I’s goal is to get our guest bedroom painted and rearranged to be Theodore’s new big boy room and do some other miscellaneous house projects. Theodore will get to go on his first overnight without us to his Nana’s. Nana has the weekend packed full of fun and I doubt Theodore will even miss us which is good. Have a good Thursday everyone.


Theodore and Chuck enjoying some floor time.
March 2015

Theodore and Chuck both with hurt left feet.
January 2016

This is what riding to the sitter and groomer look like with my boys in tow.
May 2017

Ryan Stevenson’s Lyrics - Eye Of the Storm
When the solid ground is falling out from underneath my feet
Between the black skies, and my red eyes, I can barely see
When I realize I've been sold out by my friends and my family
I can feel the rain reminding me
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm
When my hopes and dreams are far from me, and I'm runnin' out of faith
I see the future I picture slowly fade away
And when the tears of pain and heartache are pouring down my face
I find my peace in Jesus' name
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me, in the eye of the storm
When they let me go and I just don't know
How I'm gonna make ends meet
I did my best
Now I'm scared to death
That we might lose everything
And when a sickness takes my child away
And there's nothing I can do
My only hope is to trust You
I trust You LORD
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me, in the eye of the storm
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor when my sails are torn

Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm

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